All posts in “Humor”

Your Thanksgiving pregame pep talk

by Jim Killam | 5-minute read

 

Transparency alert: I wrote this article several weeks ago, before Illinois was begging its residents to stay home on Thanksgiving. With increasing numbers of us either sick or under precautionary quarantine, and most others heeding the guidelines (I hope), a traditional Thanksgiving just isn’t in the offing this year.

So, if you’re forging ahead with smaller plans, here’s a walk through a typical Thanksgiving itinerary. If you’re feeling blue about cancellations or Zoom dinners, parts of this might make you feel better about staying home this year.

 

The Warmup

The wardrobe. Unlike Christmas, no one goes out and buys a new Thanksgiving outfit. Business casual is a good bet here, although you’re likely to see everything from suits and ties to sweatpants. Pro Tip: Whatever your level of formality, go for the adjustable waistband.

The coat pile. It’s in the spare bedroom, on a bed with attractive throw pillows from 1976. Read More

The 11-year-olds’ guide to trick-or-treating

By Jim Killam

Not sure of your Halloween responsibilities as a neighborhood resident? We’re here to help. Over the years, and at great personal cost, we have intercepted reconnaissance from local 11-year-olds as they devise their trick-or-treat strategies. At most houses, everything goes just fine. Nothing to report.

Then there are … The Eleven. Eleven types of well-intentioned residents who get flagged by trick-or-treaters for Halloween misconduct. Read the list and make necessary adjustments. Learn from those who have gone before you. This carries the added benefit of keeping toilet paper from lodging in your trees later that evening. 

Here goes.

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